Pirates of Somalia take over danish freighter, America intervenes

More crazy news today... Apparently a somalian crew of pirates have taken over "Danica White", a danish freighter. On saturday the US warship USS Carter Hall crossed the path of the ship, and hailed them, asking if they were in jeopardy. Somehow the answer came back that the ship was in peril, and had been commandeered by pirates. Crazy!

The lieutenant of the USS Carter Hall, John Gay, decided to fire three warning shots at the freighter. Each of the shots targeted a skiff, of which there were three. Skiffs are small faster boats the pirates are known to be using to commandeer ships in this day and age. They were all sunk, but unfortunately Lt. Gay and his crew were unable to stop the ship from entering Somalian waters, and had to give up pursuit. With 5 danish crewmembers still on board, this is a pretty sad situation. Somalia apparently has major problems with real piracy going on, with several foreign ships being commandeered every year. I can't imagine what living in Somalia is like, but these opportunists are exactly what's holding the world back from becoming a peaceful prosperous place of wonder and joy.

I think these pirates should be dealt with the old fashioned way - safe conduct letters! Seriously, how many bored-to-death weaponnuts from our western civilization would flock to Somalia if they knew there were granting safe conduct to kill pirates? The problem would be taken care of swiftly and deadly, with bloody seas to show for it.

As for now, all we can do is hope the danes come home to their families safely, even if it doesn't seem very likely at this point.

The Eskimos have massive dicks

We try to help and they spit in our face! Apparently the home government in Greenland has been dealing out free condoms to its population. I guess it's a protest against the catholic church that I can only applaud and appreciate. However, the operation hasn't been as smooth as we would have liked, since apparently Eskimo cocks are bigger than our standard european cocks. There have been a flood of complaints that the condoms (which supposedly are size 'normal' and given out under the name Torrak) are too small! How about that... We try to be nice to them and they basically mock us publically. Damn those eskimos, why we keep them in our kingdom I have no idea!

At this point the home government has decided to also import 'large' sized condoms in order to better accomodate the eskimo needs. As much as I hate being told that our colonies have outgrown us in this way, I can only be happy that also the well-endowed among them can now proudly protest the catholic church and the Pope Benedict XVI himself!

7 Reasons why you should appreciate Star Trek: The Next Generation

1. Atheism.
Star Trek takes place in the real world, where the only gods are created out of ignorance. Who watches the watchers is an episode that shows Captain Picard himself dealing with the concept of an entire race of beings viewing him as god. The being Q basically is a god, with the ability to do absolutely anything. My favourite episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation ever is Deja Q, in which Q loses his godlike powers and has to deal with being human.

2. Intelligence.
Never catering, never lowering the bar and never ceasing to try to entertain and educate, even the worst episodes of Trek have a core that is worth crafting a story around. Several of them become high-brow in the way they present themselves, but the fantastical elements that the sci-fi inherently brings with it keeps even the driest issues juicy for the average viewer. Measure of a man deals with the very concept of what makes a human being. As a metaphor for abortion and slavery this episode works in multiple facets. The Drumhead deals with issues like surveillance, the danger of a democracy in fear turning into a police state etc. All done with a very innocent, almost timid, sense of reason and rationality that has captured many a young mind in a world filled with the opposite.

3. Innocence.
Unlike alot of modern television shows (and, shamefully, later versions of Trek, post-Great Bird death) Next Gen never turned to sex to sell itself. The sobriety and indeed innocence that runs through the entire series is something to be admired. The confidence of the writers and creators, that a message can be enthralling without having to be poured over with cleavage, collagenfilled lips and green eyeshadow is one that todays television producers and executives do not possess. The second you make it sexual, it loses all of its charm and all of the wonderful sensuality that can be used in a series. I have heard people like Ronald D. Moore complain that in Star Trek "you can beam anywhere, so a big potential for drama gets lost." The same applies to sex, when you have massive cleavage and pouty BJ lips in every episode, you will never be able to have your characters flirt with anybody, because it's already lost it's innocence and charm. Say what you want about Riker (Frakes is a pretty bad actor, who barely works on TV, let alone the movies) but the way he handles himself around female aliens is charming and endearing, and his relationship with Troi, while never resorting to banal nudity and/or sex, is a legendary tale almost of a romantic friendship that never ceases to charm you, as you watch.

4. Versatility.
Who would ever have guessed that "Family", "Yesterday's Enterprise", "A matter of perspective" and "Genesis" all existed within the same show?

5. (Almost) No melodrama.
Nobody gets fat on Star Trek. Nobody has extra-marital sexual encounters. There are no pathetic conspiracies within the established universe (well one, but that was season one, was caused by aliens, and felt like a monstermovie from the 60s. I'm not saying it's perfect!) In Trek, the human race has moved beyond these cookie-cutter, luxurious issues that are born basically out of a boredom with life. The positive outlook on the future where human kind has embraced the notion of non-aggressiveness and improvement on each individual to grow as a race is one that is horribly misrepresented in television today, in exchange for explosions and vaginas that are easierly marketed towards the masses. Star Trek deals with genuine issues that needless to say have far more relevance and are far more interesting than affairs between married people, or even getting fat.

6. Mystery and suspense.
One thing about Star Trek that made me appreciate it from the get-go was something that gets overlooked alot of times in the praise of it. It can be very, very creepy when it wants to be. The first episode I ever saw was "Devil's Due", another episode which deals with religion, and guest stars the devil. This episode is very suspenseful, especially to a young Trek newcomer, and has its scary moments. The next episode I watched was "Clues" which is also very creepy. Both of these episodes, along with "Genesis" and others, really show off the versatility of a otherwise innocent and charming science fiction series, that all of a sudden gets under your skin in another way.

7. Patrick Stewart
This man has one of the greatest voices in history, and he oozes calm wisdom. His character of Jean-Luc Picard is easily the zenith of the entire Star Trek universe as he inspires both through example and bitter knowledge of the mistakes that lie ahead. Not only that, but in his most tender moments, he will reveal a profound sadness in his own heart. The lack of family, the vastness of the universe and the fact that he will not be around forever to keep exploring it, to have to let go of the one thing he loves and has given everything up to do. As he tells Wesley Crusher that he envies him in "Final Mission", your own mortality all of a sudden stands very clear to you, and just as much as "With great power comes great responsibility" speaks to you at 6 years of age, Captain Picard's envy speaks to you as a teenager and instills both a feeling of responsibility, but also of pride and glorious admiration of the shoulders you will one day be able to stand upon.

Leonard Maltin has no taste

Entertainment Tonight (the same ridiculous outlet which ranks "Clone Wars" above "RoboCop" in terms of Sci-Fi) asked Leonard Maltin to name each of his favorite movies over the last 25 years. One movie pr. year. The list he has made is absolutely ridiculous.

There are tons of things to critisize here. Obviously it's pointless to expect him to select the actual 25 best movies, but the only way you can look at a list like this is to consider if each choice is defendable. IE. For 1994, which was perhaps the best year of the 90s for american cinema, he has chosen "Pulp Fiction". Definitely a defendable choice, even if you prefer Forrest Gump or Shawshank Redemption. That's a pointless debate. What is not however, is some of the other selections on this list of his, case in point: Brothers.

He has selected Brothers as the best movie of 2005. This is a danish movie directed by hotshot director Susanne Bier. When this movie was released I went the first chance I got, because I was a very big fan of her previous movie "Elsker dig for evigt". That movie was nearly Bergman-esque in its intimacy and ability to grab you where it hurts and twist it untill you can't take it anymore, and then some. So when I saw Brothers, which is also a family drama with much of the same crew, obviously I was expecting something of the same quality. Alas, it came not even close.

First of all the plot is a big cliché. (A family father gets killed in a war, and his brother, who has just been release from jail, starts to become connected with his older brothers family. However, the brother might not be as dead as once presumed.) But I'm fine with that from the beginning, because I rarely go to the theatre for a plot or a story. Especially in a movie like this where the focus is on the characters, the drama, the human element in the world. However, this movie in no way delivers the same kind of drama and realism that you would expect. The character of the younger brother is supposed to be a no-good loser who has accomplished nothing in his life, and spends his time doing small-time crimes. None of this is in the movie though. He basically seems like a normal guy from the beginning when he's picked up at the prison. So the whole arc of him growing up (which is sparked by an excellent scene at the funeral, where his drunk father tells him some things. This is one of the few points where the movie actually gets alittle uncomfortable and interesting.) gets lost because we never sense that he's actually going from somewhere. Despite most of the movie focusing on the woman (played by well-known Hollywood actress Connie Nielsen) she never truly steps into character. I never got a clear idea of where she stood, or if she even had an opinion on the whole situation. This is a grown woman who has to take care of her children now that their father is gone, yet she never takes any responsibility for her choices, nor does she acknowledge that they have been made. I am a little doubtful about wether or not these are actual flaws in the movie, or just my personal contempt that shines through, but when push comes to shove, I never bought into the character as being a real person. And since she is very much the main character, it means I never bought into the movie as being realistic.

There are scenes in an Afghani prisoner camp that does have a gritty realistic feel to them. The hellish conditions are portrayed perfectly, and the character of the older brother very much shines through in his interactions with his fellow younger captive. However, the movie cops out at the most important moment. I don't want to spoil it, but the creative choices made in the depiction of the climax of these sequences (if you've seen it there can be no doubt as to what I mean) totally took me out of the movie, severed my connection with the characters, once again shattering any sense of realism. Not to mention any respect or admiration for the acting in the scene.

Add to that an ending that screams Hollywood, several unexplained devices that move the story forward, and you've got an unhealthy mix. The movie is not a horrible movie, I gave it a 4/6 when it was released here, but it has major flaws that ruins what it could have been, and definitely compared to the previous movie it's a huge step down.

So when Leonard Maltin selects this as his favorite movie of 2005, I think that pretty much settles that he has little-to-no taste in movies. When you add to that the facts that he likes ET over The Thing and The Killing Fields over Amadeus (and those are just off the top of my head, I'm not sure The Thing is the best movie of '82, but it definitely beats the crap out of ET), and you can pretty much write this man off, forever, when it comes to grading and recommending movies.

A tradition worth upholding

I just got done with it. Again. As I play through it once a year, it never lacks excitement or innovation. Never does it get boring or repetitive. I never feel like there are parts that I want to skip through fast to get further in it. As the story repeats itself through different characters each time, I feel like I get to know them further. Almost like christmas with your relatives, where you catch up with all the stuff that's happened since last year. I am talking about a personal tradition of mine, once a year, I play through Chrono Trigger.

This game is arguably the best game ever made. Whenever I think along those lines, it's always the first game that come to mind, but then I start thinking about other awesome experiences I have had with games, so I can not convincingly state that it is really the best. However, it's a game that has always stuck with me, and continues to do so as I - at my own free will, as opposed to christmas - complete it. Having 7 (or 6 in some cases) different characters to play the game with, each pretty well fleshed out, especially for an SNES game, and each interacting differently with the others in combat makes the game feel like the same old different thing. It's that unique mix of familiarity and discovery that makes the game so replayable to me.

I will leave the story for all of you uninitiated to experience for yourselves. It's pretty complex and I admit to not grasping all of it when I first played the game. The first time you play it you can't help but be enthralled by the way they achieve an epic feel through very simple means. As you play through it again and again, you gain an ever bigger appreciation for how solid the game feels even though there is so much complex stuff going on. It's just grounded in common sense, and pulled off with such grace and nearly pragmatic logic that you can't help but admire it.

Speaking in more technical gaming terms, this game stands to me, along with F-Zero, as the zenith of the SNES console. The graphics are clear, consistent and very recognizable. Especially the last part is something that gets overlooked in alot of games, but in my opinion it can elevate a game immensely. Think about the difference between a man with a machine gun in C&C: Red Alert, and a man with a machine gun in StarCraft. The personality in both sound and graphics elevates one way above the other, and Chrono Trigger is on par with StarCraft in that department. The sound effects aren't the star of the game, but they are excellent and add to the feeling of a worked-through, out and out solid game that has no flaws.

One of the major things that alot of people love about Chrono Trigger is the music. Unlike with *alot* of other SNES games, most notably the Final Fantasy games on the console, I can't disagree with the countless people praising this area of the game. It has some iconic tunes that once you've heard them, you won't forget. You'll find yourself whistling them at times, they enter your mind as though they were songs from one of your favorite albums. Again, music can definitely elevate almost anything. How many boring movie scenes have been saved by a score? Sadly in games, this aspect is very often ignored as well. You don't need music to sell a game, you need graphics. You can always stick the Crimson Tide score underneath your graphics for your E3 trailer, right? I guess it's a double-edged sword because it does make you appreciate the games that master the element of music that much more.

Having just played through it again, and not having been bored, I really feel that this game won't ever grow old on me. What started as a tentative impulse, born out of immense boredom, turned into a reoccuring event in my life, as stable as calling in sick for work. I know the internet is going crazy for reviews of bad games, but I don't feel it's totally out of place to sometimes recognize the greats. Celebrate them, honor them, and strive to become them. And even if you lack any sort of motivation or effort (I hear ya buddy) I have a quote for you, passed unto me by one of my favorite teachers, in a classroom full of idiots: "Know your classics."

Related link: (Somewhat) Orchestral version of one of the great themes in Chrono Trigger.